Many Are the Plans

Posted on February 4, 2014 by justeeni

During the past few days I have been reminded of Proverbs 19:21, which says:

Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

I had been pretty excited to begin my 5K training on the treadmill at the gym of our apartment complex. Saturday was the final run in Week Two of my nine week training program. It was a wet, slushy, cold, and snowy evening as I headed out to the gym, sloshing through puddles and trudging through freshly fallen snow. This time I even stretched before I ran, but four minutes into my workout my knee started hurting. For about thirty seconds I tried to keep running before I decided it wasn’t worth the risk. So now I’m off my training schedule and on the elliptical to give my knee a rest and learn a little more about how to run, stretch, and not injure myself.

The very same night we gave up potty training…again…for now. After a week of accidents and messes, Lydia has successfully learned to go to the potty immediately after she wets her pants. She loves it. She hasn’t gone in the toilet once. I talked to some other moms, prayed about it, solicited Dan’s opinion, and made a mental list of pros and cons. Since we recently invested in some quality cloth diapers, the only thing we lose by waiting to potty train is the extra cost of washing those diapers, which I calculated to be about three cents a day.

I didn’t really want to write about that in a post. I didn’t really want to “give up” again. But it’s the best decision for our family right now.

After giving up the endless trips to the toilet and all the time spent reading to Lydia while she did nothing on the potty, I was excited to get some more done yesterday. Clean up the living room, wash that pile of leftover dishes from Sunday, tackle a project or two, play with the munchkins. Abby decided she wanted to be held all day instead and by eleven o’clock I had only tackled some of the dishes and Dan had thrown everything littering our living room into piles. So much for my plans to catch up.

Our list of plans goes on and on, but I have been reminded of that ever-true Proverb. The Lord’s purpose will prevail. And after a nice, quiet prayer time while the girls were sleeping, I surrendered my plans and came out feeling happy. God’s plans are much better than my own.

Why I’m not a Swaggernaut

Posted on January 21, 2014 by justeeni

Perhaps you’ve never heard of SwagBucks. Perhaps you’ve heard, but never checked into it. Or, perhaps, you are an avid Swaggernaut yourself. I’ve read a lot of homemaking and money-saving blogs that rave about how much they love websites like swagbucks.com or inboxdollars.com (there are a number of other ones as well). But today I’m going to tell you why I don’t.

Edit: This post is intended to serve as a helpful resource for anyone who is looking for ways to earn some extra income, and who is considering doing so using money making sites such as SwagBucks or InboxDollars.

What is it?

For any who are not familiar, swagbucks.com is a website where you can make money by doing things like watching videos, searching the internet, or signing up for special offers. Some of this costs you money, but a lot of it is free. The first questions I had was, “Is this a scam?” The answer is: no, it’s actually not. You really can earn money just by clicking around on the swagbucks website. It works because it’s all a bunch of advertising. Videos, games, and emails are interspersed with tons of advertisements. Special offers allow you to earn “swagbucks” while signing up for free trials, e-newsletters, or taking surveys. Swagbucks is paid by the numerous advertisers, and users (or Swaggernauts) get a small portion of that cash. As you earn Swagbucks, you can trade them in for gift cards.

How I Heard about Swagbucks

A couple of years ago Dan and I were living on a tight budget. We had alloted a whopping $35 a week per groceries. However, once a week we hosted about eight teenage to mid-twenty year old guys who ate like…well teenage to mid-twenty year old guys! That meal alone took up almost a third of the week’s budget. So, I spent some time searching the internet, trying to find frugal recipes and ways to save money.

A couple of the recipes I found we still enjoy today. For a while, we were eating lentil shepherd’s pie once a week, and we often enjoy lentil tacos as well. Anyway…

In my searching I stumbled across the many blog posts explaining the wonders of swagbucks, and I thought I would try it out. Along with Swagbucks, I signed up for a handful of other similar websites. That lasted a few days before I gave up. I was earning money, but only a few pennies a day and it just felt like a waste of time.

Last summer I decided to try it again. I was hoping to earn money for Abby’s quilt and thought, if I could just make a dollar a day using a couple of different sites, I could earn the money before she was born. I chose Swagbucks.com and Inboxdollars.com.

How I used the Sites

At first I enjoyed the earning. It was fun to watch the bucks slowly build up toward my goal. I always started with the easy bucks: check in to the website, answer the daily poll, click through the no-obligation special offers. I automatically got a swagbuck every day for using the free toolbar. I’d click through videos throughout the day. I would do about five searches in between every few videos to be randomly awarded more swagbucks. I would try to qualify for one survey per day and I would search the special offers for easy free things I could complete.

My email began to fill up with junk. The toolbar was slowing down the whole computer. I struggled to qualify for the surveys. I got headaches from spending so much time staring at the computer screen. I realized I was spending less time with Lydia as I tried to get my whopping $1 a day. Some days I could reach it in half and hour. Other days, I still hadn’t reached it after a whole hour.

Then one day I thought a little. One swagbuck is equivalent to about one cent. I was torturing myself and neglecting my real responsibilities to earn less than $1 an hour. It was ridiculous. I persevered just long enough to get my first check from inbox dollars: $27.

Not Worth It

I know I’m probably going against the grain here, but I strongly believe being a Swaggernaut is not worth it. My husband whole-heartedly agrees. Time is too precious to squander it just to earn a few cents. There are dishes to wash, clothes to fold, books to read out loud, toys to play with, toddlers to snuggle, verses to memorize, songs to sing, and a million other things that are far more valuable than the change you can earn by doing (as they put it) “practically nothing”.

But We Need the Money

I know what it’s like to want just a few more dollars a week. I know what it’s like to think, “Oh, it would be so nice to have thirty extra dollars for Christmas presents”. Or to hope, “If I earn a gift card we could actually afford to go on a date!” But SwagBucks is not the answer.

May I recommend, investing a little of your time and resources in developing some other skill or trade? Learn to sew, make homemade cards, soap, or something else you can sell from home. Or, don’t make anything. Clean your cupboards, shelves, and storage spaces and sell all the things you don’t use. You will probably make more money, waste less time, and feel more accomplished.

When I gave up on SwagBucks, I used the bucks already saved to buy two violin books to start giving Dan violin lessons. At the time, I was hoping to start giving violin lessons from home after Abby was no longer a newborn. Since Abby is still a newborn (in size, at least) and since she still eats roughly every hour and a half, we’re waiting to reevaluate the violin lesson idea. The point is, if you are absolutely desperate, it’s not worth it to waste your time earning money on SwagBucks, but you could use it to get some seed money and then invest in something more profitable.

An Inbox Alternative

While I did quit SwagBucks and inbox dollars, for the most part, there’s one money-making tool I still use. Inbox dollars sends members “paid emails” a couple to a few times a day. When you view the email there’s a button at the bottom you click to confirm that you actually viewed it.

Now, it’s no fun clogging your email inbox with junk, so I let these emails go straight to my spam. Every few days I return to the inbox dollars website where there is an “inbox” just for the paid emails. So I let the emails build up for a short while, then I spend a little time clicking through the emails. If you wait too long, they’ll expire, so I just check back about once a week.

For the sake of this blog post I checked earlier than usual this week. It took me 26 seconds to go through 4 emails and earn 8 cents. Most of that time was getting to the website, so if I had waited (like I usually do) until I had more emails I would have earned more money in less time.

8 cents earned in 26 seconds comes out to earning just over $11 an hour. Someone earning $11 an hour and working 40 hours a week would be bringing in a little over $22,000 a year. That’s not too bad, but remember that under normal circumstances I would wait until I had about 14 emails and I imagine that rate would have been more than double.

So, if you would like some extra money and aren’t in a hurry (save it up for Christmas), this is an option.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,
making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.
Ephesians 5:15-16

Edit: I realize that, for someone who enjoys SwagBucks, this post may come across offensive. That is not my intent. I wrote this post from the perspective of someone who is already busy with two kiddos and who once viewed SwagBucks solely as a way to earn extra money. SwagBucks just isn’t a second income. I found it was easy to get distracted on the site and neglect Lydia, and I did not earn very much extra money in the process. For those who do have the extra time or who enjoy SwagBucks as a hobby that also happens to earn some extra change, I hope you won’t be offended by these thoughts.

What to Say to a NICU Parent

Posted on January 17, 2014 by justeeni

I’ve never been very good at knowing what to say to someone when they’re going through a hard time. After going through some hard times myself, I realize that I have probably very often said the “wrong thing”. Earlier this week I posted a Survival Guide for others who find themselves spending time in the NICU. But the reality is that most of the people reading this never have and never will spend any time in the NICU. However, everyone reading this knows of at least one person who has spent time in the NICU. This post is for all of you. I know my thoughts won’t apply to every NICU parent. Based on my own experience and conversations with other NICU parents, these are my best suggestions on what you can say (and do) to help a NICU parent.

As I wrote this, I wondered if I was going too far. Having a baby in the NICU is not the most difficult thing in the world. I know there are plenty who suffer far greater trials. However, I still felt the thoughts may be helpful to some. My husband pointed out that much of this could probably be applied to interactions with anyone who is suffering. If you think all this is a bit overboard, feel free the glean the good and forget the rest. And, keep in mind, not everyone is the same and I can only share from my own experiences and conversations with a few others.

“My heart just broke for you…”

What do you say to someone who just had a baby…months earlier than they were “supposed to”? “Congratulations”? “I’m sorry”? “She’ll be fine”? “She’ll be home before you know it”? Dan and I have found that there is very little you can say and be of any real comfort to a newly arrived NICU parent.

After Abby had spent two and a half months at the hospital, Dan was riding up the elevator one day with a crowd of people. One of the ladies in the elevator was in a wheelchair and it came up in conversation that she had just had a c-section and had been transferred straight to UofM with a baby who was now in the NICU. The others on the elevator started offering their support and encouragement.

“Don’t worry. She’ll be fine.”

“You’ll be home before you know it.”

“This is a great hospital.”

“What did you say?”, I asked Dan.

“Nothing. There’s nothing you can say. It wasn’t the right time.”

However, there was one conversation that stands out in my mind as being especially comforting. Lydia had just been born. I didn’t really want to talk to anyone. As we walked into church the following Sunday, I wanted to stay close to Dan and avoid all conversation. I was tired, sad, emotional, and still trying to grasp what was happening. Afterward, of course, people came up to talk to me. One mother at church approached me with tears in her eyes and said, “When I heard, my heart just broke for you…”. It was the most comforting thing anyone had ever said to me.

Now, not everyone has the ability to sympathize in this way. Don’t fake it. If you’re able to honestly share in someone else’s suffering, by all means, offer your consolation. However, in many cases the best you can do is give a well-meaning hug.

Be Careful with Your Encouragement

I recently came across Proverbs 25:20. It says, “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.”

For the most part, I will let that verse speak for itself. Someone who is separated from their tiny newborn baby will often have a “heavy heart”. Happy words may be just what they need to hear, or they may sting like icy wind on bare skin.

Ask Me about My Baby

It may seem like all I talk about is my baby. Maybe you think I get tired of giving everyone the same updates over and over. Maybe you think you should avoid the topic because it’ll make me sad.

But, please, do ask me about my baby. My baby is my life right now. I don’t have time for anything else. When my baby takes a step backwards, doesn’t have a good day, or isn’t making progress, my whole world feels a little cloudier. When my baby makes progress, gains weight, shows improvement, the sun comes out and I want everyone to know.

I know there is a whole world beyond the hospital and the universe doesn’t revolve around me (or my baby), but I don’t get to see that world right now. I will try hard to talk to you about all the other things, but the only thing on my mind lately is that little one lying in a hospital room.

Please Be Patient

I may not seem myself. You just might see me cry. Or maybe I look weary. It’s a hard circumstance to be in the NICU for so long, so please be patient with me.

Please be patient with me if you are pregnant, especially once you hit nine months. I rejoice with you, but sometimes seeing a very pregnant mommy might make me tear up a little. Some good friends of ours had a baby when Abby was a month old. Their little boy was in church when he was only two days old and I cried every time I saw him.

I felt terrible. I was happy for them. But I could hardly talk to them because I would break down. It wasn’t until after Abby was home that I could cheerfully visit and hear all about their birth story and the early days with their newborn. I don’t know if they noticed or not, but I am grateful that they are sweet and patient people who weren’t offended by my distance during those first weeks of their own baby’s life.

If you are pregnant or have a newborn while a friend is in the NICU, be patient if they seem awkward or distant.

Ten Practical Helps

If you do know someone who has a baby in the NICU, you may be wondering what practical things you can do to help them beyond just words. So here are a few ideas:

1. Pray for them. No matter where you live, how much time or money you have, this is one way you can help

2. Do their laundry. They don’t have time.

3. Clean their bathroom. They don’t have time.

4. Wash their dishes. They don’t have time.

5. Do any other tidying or cleaning…I think you get the point here.

6. Bring them a hot meal, a frozen meal, a gift card, a snack…

7. Offer to buy and deliver their groceries. You don’t have to pay for them yourself, just picking them up and saving them the trip will go a very long way. You can give them a bagful of random groceries, or you can ask for a list. Either way, they will probably appreciate it more than they can express.

8. Watch their kiddos…although it’s likely that many will offer to babysit, so be creative and choose one of the above suggestions that hasn’t already been taken.

9. Ask if there is anything you can do to help or bless them. Everyone has individual needs.

10. Visit their baby or send a card or gift. Hospital visits can get long and lonely, you are probably a welcome visitor.

Well, I hope those thoughts are helpful and not offensive or out-of-hand. Dan and I were very blessed by many who did and said loving and encouraging things for us throughout our NICU stays, and we are immensely grateful. In fact, I feel we could never repay many for their sacrificial kindness. And Abby agrees.

NICU Survival Guide

Posted on January 13, 2014 by justeeni

Now that we’ve had two babies spend time in the NICU (124 days between the two of them), I wanted to take some time to write a little guide for ourselves and anyone else who may find themselves spending any extended amount of time with a baby in the NICU.

Preparations

If you have a clue ahead of time that baby might come early, my best advice is to plan ahead as much as possible. Cook and freeze meals, the more, the better. Make sure you have everything prepared for when Baby comes home. Errands are no fun once Baby is born. Figure out a workable routine, find out if you (or your spouse ) can work from home, and set up any extra help or baby sitters.

When Baby Comes

When Baby is born, the first thing to do is take a deep breath and process a little. A new baby changes everything, but a new baby in the NICU really changes everything. Once you’ve had a chance to take a deep breath (and decide on a name!), it’s time to make some phone calls. Announcing the birth of you child is exciting and when Baby comes early it’s even more of a surprise to those on the other end of the line. When I called my mom to tell her that Lydia was born (nine weeks early), she answered the phone by saying, “What do you know about puppies?”. My sister’s new puppy had just hurt her foot and my mom was trying to decide if she needed to take her to the vet. It was pretty comical (later).

If your baby is healthy and doing well, considering the circumstances (just trust what the doctors tell you) make sure you start off every announcement with that information. And halfway through, you should say it again. And then, before you hang up or say goodbye, say it again. Most people don’t know much about premature babies. I certainly didn’t. And they don’t know how critical of a condition your baby is actually in.

Believe the Doctors

The first question everyone has about a preemie is, “How long will we have to stay in the NICU?”. Doctors don’t like to give out false hope or unrealistic expectations, and their estimates are usually pretty good. For Lydia, they guessed 6-8 weeks, and she came home in 6. For Abby, they guessed 8-12 weeks, and she came home in 11 1/2.

However, both our girls started out fantastically. Every day we came in to hear praise about how well they were doing. We let it get to our heads and figured, surely, they would be home sooner than the original estimate. But the NICU is a roller coaster with unexpected turns, and both times the doctors were ultimately right. When I asked Dan what his best NICU advice was, it was to listen to the doctors estimate and don’t doubt it even if your baby seems to be doing amazing.

The First Week

The first week always feels like a whirlwind to us. First Baby comes, then there are announcements and visitors. You get to watch everyone’s reaction to your news and share your story. But after a couple of days, and you head home from the hospital, you have to get a plan together for how you’re going to handle your NICU stay. When Abby was born, both my parents and Dan’s parents came down at different times to watch Lydia and help around the house while I recovered. We would have completely fallen apart without that help.

During that week I sat down on Excel and figured out a tentative schedule that allowed us to visit Abby twice a day. We had to see if Dan could get in eight hours of work each day. It turns out he could, but only by working six days a week, getting up early, and going to bed late. If you do this, don’t forget to account for drive time. It was not uncommon for either Dan or I to spend over two hours in the car every day between driving to work, the hospital, home, and Lydia’s Babysitter’s.

Also during the first week, my parents took me grocery shopping. We stocked up on food for the next four weeks. I also got to ride around Meijer in one of their little electric scooters.

It’s OK to Cry

When I have babies in the NICU, I cry. I cry when they are admitted. I cry when they are not doing well. And I cry, even when they are. It’s sad. It’s hard. Your baby is supposed to be at home or in your belly. Not in an isolette. So it’s ok to cry.

I talked to a NICU mom once who had been in the NICU for two months already. They had a long road ahead and I empathized with her. She smiled and light-heartedly told me it was “sort of fun” to have a baby in the NICU. I hid my shock, but in my mid-NICU-super-emotional state, I felt like she had no heart.

I saw another Mom standing at her baby’s isolette, just watching her baby sleep. She was crying. I always liked that Mom after that, because it was so obvious how much she loved her baby boy.

Now, I’m all for having a good attitude and looking on the bright side. But you don’t have to pretend everything is perfect. It’s ok to cry.

Feeding Your Baby

Feeding times are the times you really want to be in the NICU. This is when you get to change your baby’s diaper, take your baby’s temperature, and, once your baby is stable enough, hold him or her. Once babies are over a week old, they usually have their feeding time every three hours.

Mothers of preemies aren’t able to nurse their babies so they have to express milk with a pump to be fed to their baby through a feeding tube. Lactations consultants recommend pumping every three hours, around the clock. I found that it works best to pump one hour after Baby’s feeding time, so that you can be involved with the hands-on part and not skip a pumping time. I also found that, once the milk supply is established and if it’s plentiful enough, it worked well to pump an hour early before bed and and hour late afterward so that you could have a couple of four hour stretches during the night.

Dan and I like to be at the hospital at least twice a day. This way we could each get a turn holding the Baby, and we could often be there for rounds. We got a morning update on how the night went and an evening update on how the day went.

What about Meals?

I’m sure a lot of NICU parents just eat out for every meal during their NICU stay. Dan and I avoided this for two reasons. One: it’s more expensive. Two: It’s much less healthy. And during the chaos of a NICU stay, eating junk won’t make things any better but it can make things a lot worse.

To handle this issue I made a meal plan of fast, easy-to-put-together meals for one week. We ate things like spaghetti, rice and beans, curry with frozen veggies and a store-bought sauce, veggies and hummus, and chili (which was the most time consuming meal and I wouldn’t choose that one again). And we repeated it every week until Abby came home. We would go grocery shopping once a month or so to buy the non-perishables. For the fresh produce, we asked a family from church to buy our groceries once a week and deliver them to us at church. They graciously continued to do this for the entire time Abby was in the NICU.

We also had one night a week when we ate Qdoba using gift cards given to us by loving friends from church. Those nights were my favorite. No preparation and no clean up.

Babysitters

With Abby we had another challenge of taking a care of a toddler while visiting the NICU. It worked best for us to bring Lydia once a day and leave her with a sitter during our second visit. Our favorite way to do this was to take her in the morning. In the evening we would eat dinner together and tuck her into bed. Then the baby sitters would come and stay while Lydia slept and we went to the hospital. We had such loving sitters who also tidied our messy living room, cleaned our dishes, and did our laundry. Those nights were also my favorites.

We found that it was very important to spend one-on-one time with Lydia. Snuggling, reading, tickling, talking, and playing were very important because she was getting much less Mommy and Daddy time than before. Sometimes she would scream from her bed at night, but we realized it wasn’t because she was being “bad”, it was because she was having trouble coping with our being away so much. So on those nights I would snuggle her extra until she was ready to sleep.

Get to Know Parents and Nurses

One of the most therapeutic things Dan and I chose to do was to make friends in the NICU. Time in the NICU passes slowly, but having another baby to cheer on helps a lot. Talking to other parents is encouraging, distracting, and helps pass the days. We had a lot of fun celebrating when our friends would move to an open crib or take their first bottle.

It also helps to make friends with the nurses. They are the people you’ll see the most and they are the ones caring for your (very) little bundle. It’s a lot better to have friends watch your baby than strangers. We also discovered that nurses which we didn’t care for at first, grew on us as we got to know them.

Once we transferred to Mott’s, we had trouble getting to know our nurses. It was just a less-friendly atmosphere. So we made an extra effort and brought them chocolate. That helped a lot. We also befriended Russell, the parking lot attendant.

Take Naps

The house is trashed. The sink is full of dishes. The laundry isn’t folded. Take a nap.

Someone just called your phone. A delivery man knocked on the door. You didn’t get to shower today. Take a nap anyway.

Some things just have to wait. Sleep isn’t one of them. Life in the NICU is hard enough without being exhausted. And, even with naps you’re still not going to get enough sleep, so take them!

Turn to Jesus

Even if you follow all of my NICU advice and think of fifteen other helpful things, having a baby in the NICU is still rough. Our greatest source of strength and hope rested in Jesus Christ. God is, after all, the Great Physician, and even if doctors fail, He never will. He knit together that Baby in Mom’s womb, and He can keep knitting that Baby together out of it.

Many times, I felt like everything was falling apart, and I didn’t even know what to pray. But I remember riding in the car, looking up at the night sky and silently crying out, “Help me! Help us! We need Your help!” Sometimes the change wasn’t instant, but He always came. He always helped.

Times when I felt so down I knew no one could offer me any comfort and He would. Through a song in the car, through a sermon at church, or through some unexpected blessing, He would carry us along.

The Roller Coaster Must End Sometime

There were times when I seriously thought Abby would never come home from the hospital. I thought she would just stay there forever, not finishing her bottles, not gaining weight, not keeping her temperature up. It’s silly, I know. But that’s how it felt.

Life in the NICU is a roller coaster ride. There are unexpected turns, and many ups and downs. But, the roller coaster will end. There will be a time when you will stop taking those car rides to the hospital every day. There will be a day when you have time to wash your own dishes and do your own grocery shopping. It’s true, what they say, that there are no kindergarteners in the NICU.

I hope this post will be useful for some. Or perhaps it can give others a glimpse into NICU life. And if not, thanks for bearing with me. If Dan and I have another baby I know that we will, at least, find this to be a great help.

Wasted Seasons

Posted on December 13, 2013 by justeeni

Two and a half years ago, after Lydia was born, we missed the best weeks of summer. They happened while we passed our time in the hospital. After Abby was born I kept hoping she would come home while the weather was still nice. I love fall. And I wanted to really enjoy it with Abby at home.

Instead, the days, then weeks, and even months passed and the season went with them. Occasionally, during a drive to pick up Dan from work, I would notice the brightly colored trees lining the highway. Those were the in-between moments when I was able to enjoy fall…just a little. There was no apple picking, no pumpkins, no walks in the crunchy leaves for us. I kept telling Abby, “You have to come home before it gets cold.” She didn’t.

Somewhere in there I was having a conversation with a friend at church. She had just gone through her own share of troubles that had “interrupted life”. It was after this conversation that I noticed a running theme. A lot of people were going through different difficulties that were interrupting their life. Mold problems in the home, sickness, hospital stays, unemployment…and our lives were all put on hold until the troubles passed.

And I realized that day that I have to stop putting my life on hold, because what I thought were interruptions in life were actually the seasons of life slipping away while I neglected to enjoy them.

So I made a renewed effort to make the most of my season. I tried to enjoy the leaves during our in-between drives. I took Lydia to the hospital garden and watched her balance as she walked along the short stone wall. And I captured a precious moment in the picture above when Lydia marveled in one of the first snows of the year while looking out from Abby’s NICU window.

I realized that three months in the NICU were not a chunk of my life just wasted. Life is too short for me to decide certain seasons are “interruptions” in the real thing. “That’s life”, as the saying goes, and I have to make the most of it or it will slip away from me unenjoyed.

Now we’re in a new season. It’s a lovely one. Abby is home and Christmas is coming. But, like all seasons, it has it’s own difficulties. For now, though, I’m remembering my lesson. If I was too absorbed in the difficulties, I wouldn’t have time to enjoy this cuteness:

This is Love

Posted on December 9, 2013 by justeeni

A few nights ago I was up at three in the morning with Abby. Dan had taken a few days off of work when Abby came home but he went back on Thursday and Friday, and he had asked me to start taking over all of the night time feedings, which was what both of us had planned on happening all along.

But I was so tired. As I sat in the glider with Abby my mind drifted off to all of the couples I have seen lately who have recently become engaged, or married, or celebrated their first wedding anniversaries. According to their Facebook pages their days and nights have been quite full with a lot of dates, love letters, flowers, and special time together.

My mind drifted through Dan and my own early days of marriage, then fast-forwarded to the past few months. We spent almost three long months with Abby in the hospital. At times, it felt like one long nightmare. Three emotional, exhausting, painful, long months. There wasn’t time, energy, or money for flowers or chocolate or date nights. We didn’t even have a free moment to just sit together on our couch.

And now Abby is home. Things are happier and much less crazy. Our house is cleaner than it has been since we moved in. But things are still busy, as any mother of two or more would surely understand. And once again there has been no time, money, or energy for date nights or flowers or love letters…you get the idea.

So as I sat there with Abby, so tired, thinking about all these latest events in my life and others, I was struggling to have a good attitude. I began to pray.

God reminded me of the reasons I married Dan. And I remembered my first joy I at being the one who gets to serve him for the rest of his life. I remembered how Eve was created to be Adam’s helper, and how that’s my main job today. And then God brought to mind a passage from Philippians:

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

It occurred to me then, that this is true love. It isn’t always happy, or easy, or pretty. This is how Jesus loved us. He humbled himself, came to earth, suffered, was rejected, and died. If this is God’s great example of love, then I can follow His example in how I love Dan. So even when there’s no money for flowers, no time for date nights, and no energy to stay up a few minutes longer together and talk at night, I can still love Dan like Jesus did.

During the late nights, the hard work, and the times apart I can still demonstrate real love to Dan.

Not that there’s anything wrong with the other stuff.

I know it’s an old lesson, and I’ll probably need to learn it again. But it was a good one I thought worth sharing. I made it through the three AM feeding with a song in my heart and a smile (a sleepy smile, that is) on my face. And a couple of nights later the girls were asleep and Dan and I, for the first time in a long time, had the time and energy to sit together on our couch chatting and looking at the lights on our newly decorated Christmas tree.

Gathering the Edelweiss of God

Posted on October 30, 2013 by justeeni

Abby Update: 7 Weeks Old

Gestation: 35 weeks, 4 days
Weight: 4 pounds, 9 ounces
Feedings: 42 milliliters every 3 hours by gravity or bottle

Abby has been taking about half of her feeds by mouth lately. After our last nurse had a day off, we were greeted by a new nurse who was quite the opposite. She was determined to give Abby every chance she could to eat out of a bottle (which we appreciated). She agreed with us that Abby always looks sleepy but seems to do just fine at eating while she either is asleep or looks very much so. (I wanted to correct my previous post just a little and let everyone know that Dan didn’t actually snap and bite our nurse’s head off when she last tubed Abigail, as it may have sounded. We were disappointed at all the “tubing” but Dan was very calm and kind in his discussion with the nurse.)

Abby had her hearing test yesterday and passed. One step closer to discharge.

Abigail’s blood count for this week was a little low, 24.5. As I mentioned once before, if Abby’s blood count gets too low, she will need a transfusion. It’s pretty standard for the count to continue to decrease until around six weeks and then head back up. However, at seven weeks, Abby’s went down again (from 27 to 26.5, to 24.5 over the past three weeks). However, no one is too concerned at this point and she is already taking a multivitamin with iron.

The rest of us are doing ok. We sure miss Abby though. I was reading a book recently that introduced me to the helpful concept of “gathering edelweiss”. (You’ll have to forgive me for referencing a book that is referencing another book, but I don’t have any way of obtaining the original at the moment) The book I read is called Isobel Kuhn In the Arena and is part of an autobiography of the missionary, Isobel Kuhn. As she discusses her struggle with cancer, she says:

Another thing that has helped me to keep a sound mind is the gathering of the edelweiss of God. I owe this thought to Amy Carmichael. In her book Gold by Moonlight, she has a whole chapter on it. Edelweiss grows on barren mountain heights, and its soft beauty is a cheery surprise to the toiling climber. So Amy Carmichael likens it to the little things of joy which can always be found in any painful experience, if only we will gather them as we go along.

So I have been gathering edelweiss over the past few days and thought I would share some of my little flowers.

Last Thursday Dan, tired of being cooped up inside all the time, declared that we were going to the playground. Together we spent about 15 minutes playing on the slide, swings, and merry-go-round (before Mommy got too cold). It was 15 minutes full of fresh air and laughter that we all found to be a refreshing change from our usual routine.

On Monday evening I decided to take a few minutes to play with Lydia instead of tidy our living room before our babysitter came over. In the end, I didn’t even have time to clean up the dinner dishes before we left for the hospital (much less tidy the living room). Later that night I came home to find the dishes all washed and put away, the living room tidy, and the floor vacuumed. I was so relieved and grateful that I could have cried.

Last night and this morning I found myself with a few minutes to spare. I took the time to clear off the kitchen counter of all its clutter for the first time since we moved into this apartment. Now it looks so shiny and clean!

With our crazy schedule visiting Abby, it is sometimes difficult to find the time to cook and eat. So, Dan and I started getting Qdoba every Tuesday night for dinner. Once the Qdoba manager started recognizing Dan and successfully guessing our order, Dan told him that we have a baby in the hospital and that we’ll probably continue to come on Tuesdays until she is home. This week the manager got a quick update and more workers heard about little Abby while we ordered our burritos. When we neared the cash register to pay, the manager swiped his card and said he wanted to buy our meal this time. He handed the receipt to Dan out of habit, and down at the bottom was the total: $0.00.

Fifteen minutes at the playground. An uncluttered kitchen. A late night free from chores. A delicious free meal. These are my little flowers that I have been gathering into a bouquet, now on display for you all to enjoy.

Praise the Lord
We are thanking God for:
-Abby’s hearing test results
-Abby seems to be digesting the Nutramigen well
-the edelweiss of God

Please Pray:
-that Abby would eat more
-that Abby’s blood count would start to increase soon

The Birth Story I’ll Never Tell

Posted on September 27, 2013 by justeeni

As our due date approached, Dan and I felt very prepared for labor and delivery. I had studied up on childbirth and knew what to expect and different methods for coping with the contractions. I had written up a “cheat sheet” for Dan, telling him what I wanted him to know and what I wanted him to do to help me during labor, without getting into too much of the medical jargon or graphic details (he doesn’t do so well with anything medical). We were hoping for a natural birth, but were surrendered to whatever course God had for us. When my water broke, I called Dan at work and let him know. Soon enough we were at the hospital, and Lydia was being watched by a family from our church. Labor progressed steadily and just when I didn’t think I could take it anymore, our sweet baby was born. She let out a cry and the doctor handed her to me to hold right away, just like I had wanted. The next couple of days were filled with happy phone calls, lots of pictures, and some welcome visitors. Lydia came to the hospital to visit and we let her hold her new baby sister. She was so proud, and she even started learning to say her name! Two days after delivery, Dan wheeled me down to the hospital entrance and our nurse followed wheeling a cart with some flowers, a balloon, and the rest of our stuff. I got to hold the baby. Dan went to get the car and we loaded everything up and drove home. It felt good to sleep in my own bed in the apartment we had just moved in to a couple of months before our due date. Dan’s mom came down for a week to watch Lydia and I mostly rested with the baby as generous ladies from church provided us with two weeks worth of meals…

If you have been following this blog for any amount of time, you know that this was not our story. Lydia, our first little munchkin, was born 9 weeks early. Abigail, our second, was born 11 ½ weeks early. The births were eerily similar: my water broke when I was sleeping at around midnight, contractions started within an hour, the doctors were unable to stop or slow labor, and we found ourselves in the NICU with a preemie. This time, however, we had to have a c-section.

While the doctor was “putting me back together” and I was laying paralyzed on an operating table, she told me that she thought she knew the reason I was having early babies. Then Dan and I both thought she said I had a unicorn inside of me. Finally we got things cleared up a little bit and learned, as the doctor and nurses looked inside of me like some sort of weird science project, that I have a unicornuate uterus.

Photo Credit: loveandmarriageblog.com

Basically that means that, half of my uterus is just solid muscle with no cavity, and the other half is normal. That also means that, when I’m pregnant, my babies only have half of the amount of room to grow, so when Baby reaches about 3 pounds, she runs out of room. My water breaks, labor starts, and we have another preemie.

I had a long talk with my OB a couple of days after Abby was born. Yes, I am still able to have more children. However, I will probably never make it past 32 weeks gestation. And, I have an increased chance of having breech babies.

The night after Abigail was born, I woke up in the middle of the night and was awake for a couple of hours trying to process this new information. I had a few difficult realizations:

I will never get to nurse my newborn.
I will never get to hold my newborn baby.
I will never get to bring my babies home with me when I’m discharged from the hospital.
My deliveries will always have to take place in the operating room adjacent to the NICU so my babies can be rushed out of my sight to the waiting team of doctors and nurses.
My babies will always have to spend weeks or months in the NICU.

There have been so many thoughts swirling around in my head since this discovery. This is perhaps the most significant event in my life so far that has made me mourn the affects of sin, the curse, and the brokenness in this world. It makes me long for heaven.

This morning, as I was thinking about all of this once again, I pulled out one of my favorite missionary biographies on Amy Carmichael, A Chance to Die. There is one chapter in particular that describes a year in Amy’s life when two of her spiritual mentors died and then one of the children that she had rescued as a baby also died. Many people began to console Amy by saying “It is very hard to see how this can be for the best”. Amy responded,

“We are not asked to SEE. Why need we when we KNOW? We know – not the answer to the inevitable Why, but the incontestable fact that is is for the best. “It is an irreparable loss, but is it faith at all if it is ‘hard to trust’ when things are entirely bewildering?”

So, as Dan and I continue our NICU visits, and eventually bring Abby home, we’ll keep processing this news and its implications for our family. And we will continue to cry out to God for grace to trust that all of this is for the best. I know there are plenty who have suffered far greater losses than this, and I don’t mean to minimize their trials. I’m just trying to be a little transparent about the trials God has allowed into our lives, hoping that some will be comforted or encouraged.

And shall I pray Thee change Thy will, my Father,
Until it be according unto mine?
But, no, Lord, no, that never shall be, rather
I pray Thee blend my human will with Thine.

I pray Thee hush the hurrying, eager longing,
I pray Thee soothe the pangs of keen desire –
See in my quiet places, wishes thronging –
Forbid them, Lord, purge, though it be with fire.

And work in me to will and do Thy pleasure
Let all within me, peaceful, reconciled,
Tarry content my Well-Beloved’s leisure,
At last, at last, even as a weaned child.

Amy Carmichael

Woodchips and Flowers

Posted on August 19, 2013 by justeeni

Our house is surrounded by beautiful flowers and landscaping. The landlord does a lot of it, and hires other people to do the rest, but regardless of who is taking care of it all, we have been enjoying it tremendously. There’s a little bench out back where Dan and I like to sit in the evenings and talk while we watch Lydia wander around on the brick pathways. There’s a tiny wooden bridge that Lydia (and Dan and I) use to cross through the pine trees to reach a sidewalk leading to a nearby playground. There are tomato and pepper plants growing healthily all around the house and our landlord generously shares their fruit with us.

But my favorite part of it all is the flowers. Every week there are new flowers blooming, some that I know and love, some that I’ve never seen before. I will probably never have another opportunity to live in a place so surrounded by beautiful flowers.

When Lydia and I go for walks, though, Lydia runs ahead, passing all of the pretty flowers. She turns the corner where brick changes to sidewalk and makes her way beyond the begonias. She is, of course, headed to the playground. If you try to stop her she’ll object by either saying “Slide?” or “SWING!” . And yet, despite her excitement, she often stops at the woodchips. Yes, Lydia loves to play with the woodchips, or just chips, as she likes to call them. She picks them up and piles them on a big rock. She transfers them from one part of the garden to another. She throws them. She gathers them up and hands them to me. Woodchips hold her attention longer than most of her toys.

Today I had my blog post all planned out but didn’t have any pictures to go along with it, when I remembered the woodchips. I’ve been thinking about perspective over the past 24 hours, and the woodchips fit my thoughts perfectly. You see, I see the pretty flowers and wonder how Lydia can just ignore them to go pick up woodchips. She, in her sweet little mind, probably thinks I’m slow and silly not to share her excitement over the woodchips. We have different perspectives.

Life is full of woodchips and flowers. Some things we think are beautiful, and other things we just put up with because they come along with the flowers. (Or, if you’re more like Lydia, I guess it’s the other way around) On Friday, I shared some of my more recent woodchips…

Woodchip: Our previous condo had mold and made us sick.
Flower: We got to move to this beautiful home
Woodchip: I haven’t gotten to unpack our stuff and really move in
Flower: Packing for the next move won’t be so bad

And the most recent…

Woodchip: On Friday, our bank refused to give us a mortgage
Flower: We have a nice apartment, close to Dan’s work, already reserved

The analogy can go a little deeper. Maybe I am willing to put up with the woodchips because they happen to come along with the flowers, but the woodchips help the flowers grow. In God’s eyes, every woodchip has a purpose and He, like Lydia, can see beauty even in the woodchips.

Yesterday at church we heard a sermon from Acts Chapter 22. The chapter starts off with the Apostle Paul sharing his testimony of how God brought him from being an active persecutor of Christians, to becoming a Christian himself. At the end of his testimony the crowd is so angry that they want to kill him. Just before receiving a flogging, however, Paul brings up his Roman citizenship, which, in the current situation made the flogging illegal. And so, the chapter ends with Paul narrowly escaping the torture and released to be questioned further the next day.

The very last point of the sermon was that God is in control, even when our lives look chaotic. And, yes, our pastor used the exact word from my Friday post: Chaos. Others could look at Paul’s life and see a lot of chaos, but now when we read the whole story in the Bible, we see God clearly leading and working through each “chaotic” event. What an encouraging reminder to me! Others may look on at our crazy summer of moving and moving and not unpacking and moving some more and think it’s a bit chaotic. I certainly do! However, Dan and I have been carefully and prayerfully making each decision. That we had to move much more than we had expected doesn’t mean God led us wrong, and it doesn’t even mean that we failed to follow correctly, it simply means that God is leading in a way that looks chaotic to us right now.

God is laying down woodchips so that He can grow flowers.

Midnight Meeting

Posted on August 14, 2013 by justeeni

During my Junior year of college I lived by myself in a cute little one-bedroom apartment on campus at the University of Michigan. While there are ups and downs to living alone, I enjoyed that transitional year and am grateful for it. I have many priceless memories of spending time there alone with God; sometimes in prayer, singing, or reading the Bible. One of those occasions happened to be about five months after Dan and I had started dating. And, while I enjoyed that time alone with the Lord, I started to panic as I thought about the possibility of getting married and giving that time up. I had heard how busy it is to be a mom, how you’re always tired and the work is unending. I had heard that it becomes impossible to have significant quiet times alone with the Lord. I also knew that just being a wife was, in a way, a sacrifice of the freedom that I had to spend time alone with the Lord so often without interruption. So, by the end of this particular evening, I was seriously questioning whether or not I ever wanted to get married, even to someone as wonderful as Dan. However, after a few weeks of serious prayer, thought, and a helpful book I felt let to read, I decided that this was indeed the direction in which God was leading. So, sacrifices or not, I obeyed.

Fast forward to this past Friday evening. Dan and I were talking, as we often do, about our future. Where would we live? What sort of career will Dan have (long term)? What are we supposed to do about all that right now? And, as is often the case, we weren’t coming to any solid conclusions. This evening, though, I was getting frustrated and impatient. So, as Dan ran into a store, I took the moment to pray through some of my unhappy thoughts. It’s not really ok to be angry at God, despite what our culture (even the Christian culture) tells us. I knew that I was getting angry, but God was gracious enough to offer me some clarity and comfort during those short moments in the car, and I was excited and grateful.

That night, I woke up earlier than usual. (In recent weeks of this pregnancy, I’ve been waking up once a night, around 3:00 AM to get a drink of water and go to the bathroom) I thought that was a bit odd and was soon fast asleep once more. Then, I woke up again. Now that is really unusual. That time, I couldn’t fall back asleep. So after tossing and turning for a while, I decided this was another one of those evenings when God was waking me up to meet with Him. I shuffled out to the living room, made some tea and a snack, and settled down to read my Bible.

I have been flying through the Gospels lately, and I found myself starting off another one, the Book of John. Different things have been standing out to me from each book, but I haven’t been doing any in-depth studying, just reading. In John 1-4, the thing that stood out very clearly to me was Jesus’ interaction with and care for individuals, one at a time. Andrew. Simon. Philip. Nathaniel. Nicodemus. The Woman at the Well.

Each person, Jesus already knew, before they knew Him. Each person, He told to “follow”. And, for all except Nicodemus, each person went and told others. And in the case of the woman at the well…

“Many more believed because of His word; and they were saying to the woman, ‘It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this One is indeed the Savior of the world.’”

As I sat under the cozy light from the lamp perched on a ledge above our couch, I enjoyed this uninterrupted time of Bible reading. No laundry to fold, no dishes to wash, to toys to pick up, no diapers to change…just uninterrupted time to sit back and read. I thought about how my name goes into that list of individuals. Like Philip, I have heard the call, “Follow Me”. Like Nicodemus, I was up during the night to meet with Jesus. Like the woman, I have had moments of discovering my own sinfulness, only to realize that He already knew. Throughout my childhood I heard about Jesus until I too could say, “It is no longer because of what you said that I believe, for I have heard for myself and know that this One is indeed the Savior of the world.”

I thought, more specifically, to the Friday night before, and how patient God had been with me and my frustrations. I thought about that night in my apartment alone when I was so afraid that I would never get any special time with the Lord once I was married, and certainly not once I was a mom. But those rumors I heard, about how moms just don’t get to spend any time with the Lord, I have found them to be false.

True, I don’t often have hour-long daily quiet times. True, I can’t just drop everything and sit on the floor and pray when I’m feeling emotional, sad, tired, anxious…and, true, I have a larger number of important priorities now than I did back then. But what is also true is that God gives us the spiritual food that we need, sometimes only one day at a time (or hour, or minute!) and sometimes only in small moments. But He feeds His sheep. We shall not be in want. He makes us lie down in green pastures and leads us beside still waters.

I have heard an analogy that God feeds us in the same way a baby is fed milk. Some newborns take hours to eat a meal, only to need another meal an hour later. As babies grow, however, they eat faster. Even though their stomachs are bigger, they still get all the food that they need, but in a shorter amount of time. Sometimes our Bible times after dinner are my only “food”. Other times I get a few minutes, or half an hour, to spend with the Lord. But sometimes, God wakes me up in the middle of the night and asks me to spend a little time alone with Him.

So, what’s the take-away from all of this? God gives Christians everything they need. God cares about individuals: me, you. God is gracious, and likes to give us good gifts, and loves to have special alone time with His Beloved. And the peace, and contentment, and hope, and joy that I have in this moment don’t come from a perfect life, or a well-planned future, or a sweet baby girl, or a wonderful husband. They are gifts that God delights to give His children. May you experience those gifts today.

MI Taylor Family

We live in Michigan.

Category Archives: Lessons