When Mom Snapped

Posted on February 13, 2014 by justeeni

Sunday afternoon when we were all tired and sick
Mom suddenly snapped when she let out a, “That’s it!”
She was tired, then sniffly, then suddenly mad
And then she would get all frustrated then sad.

She slumped off to the couch and curled up in a ball
Then earnestly, silently for help she did call,
Sincerely she asked, “Oh what shall I do?”
“I know, Lord, I am not being pleasing to You.”

And so patiently, faithfully, the voice from above
Came to her aid with some words full of love,
“Clean the kitchen”, He told her, that well-known voice said
So she made her resolution and lifted her head.

Then off to the kitchen she headed quite quickly
Still flustered, still tired, and still very sickly.
She turned on the faucet, water poured out
And she washed all those dishes stuck under the spout.

Then on to the counter, then on to the ledge
So set in her mission, so set in her pledge
Every crumb, every splatter, she cleaned them all up
She cleaned every platter, she cleaned every cup.

Still flustered and sickly, on to the next room
When she’d straightened that up she brought in the broom
She swept and she vacuumed, she tackled that floor
Then she looked around, ready for more.

Her husband and daughters looked on in alarm
They snatched up their belongings to keep then from harm
“Mom’s lost it!” Dan said. He warned Lydia too,
“Better watch out, she might throw away you!”

“The TRASH!” she remembered was crowding the floor
She hauled it all out to the hall by the door.
She piled the books, she threw away paper
And when all looked neat her frenzy, it started to taper.

And just as she finished her straightening huff
Her husband announced, “I think that’s enough”
Mom stopped her mission and looked at everyone
With a soft happy smile she said, “I’m done.”

Half a week has now passed since Mom got so mean
but clues from her snapping can still be seen.
And the lesson to be learned from Mom’s flustered huff
It that when Mom gets overwhelmed, hang on to your stuff.

Abby Update: 5 Months Old

Posted on February 10, 2014 by justeeni

Weight: 10 pounds, 2 ounces

Eat, sleep, and smile have been Abby’s main activities this month. She often sleeps eight hours at night, but she makes up for that by eating every one and a half to two hours during the day. One night in January Abby suddenly stopped having her evening fussy time (from 7ish to 10 every night) and she hasn’t gone back. She also outgrew her newborn hold-me-all-the-time desires and sometimes she’ll even squirm and cry until you put her down.

Abby spends a lot of time in her bouncy seat. She hates being on her tummy. Recently, while laying in her jungle, she learned that she can make the hanging toys rattle by swinging her arms at them, so that’s been an exciting development for her. She also loves bath time. Her whale-of-a-tale bathtub came with a goldfish “strainer” toy that we use to drizzle water on her and that always gets her to smile. Lately Abby has been trying to fit her whole fist into her mouth. She hasn’t been able to succeed, so she usually gets pretty frustrated.

More than anything, Abby loves to bounce. When she’s tired and won’t fall asleep, she needs to be bounced lightly. Whether it’s in her bouncy seat, or in Mommy or Daddy’s arms, Abby just loves bouncing. We’ve dubbed this BBS for bouncing baby syndrome, because it always gets her to fall into a contented sleep.

Abby’s nicknames continue to be numerous, but the most commonly used ones are: Abby, Abs, and Abster. We don’t really think about it when we use them, but then it’s adorable to hear Lydia tell Abby goodnight, “I love you Abs!”.

How We Ate Off of $35 a Week

Posted on February 6, 2014 by justeeni

The title for this post should really be, “How we ate off of $35 a week while feeding teenage boys once a week, but while also cheating a little…and why we could never go back.” But that seemed a little long. Now, I know there are plenty of people who have eaten more frugally, more strategically, and more healthfully. But this is just a post to share what we did, how it worked, and why we couldn’t do it now.

The Tricks and the Changes

There were no tricks. I didn’t coupon. I didn’t even really shop sales. We just cut back and ate cheaply. No desert, no beverages, no condiments, no recipes with lots of ingredients. The simpler the meals, the cheaper they seemed to be. We continued to eat on this budget, and these types of meals, until shortly after Lydia came home from the hospital. Due to some health issues, we started to cut out dairy. We had already cut back on meat to save money. At that point, we were given a book by Dr. Fuhrman. After reading the book (Disease Proof Your Child), we changed our diet pretty significantly. We eliminated dairy completely, cut out refined grains and sugar, and increased fruits, veggies, beans, seeds/nuts, and whole grains. After this change we found that we just couldn’t go back to eating the way we had before because we would literally get sick: stomach pain, sluggishness, vomiting, and increased colds were the result during our “backslides”. Since that change we have continued to totter back and forth between more healthful and less healthful, more expensive and less, trying to find the right balance for our family.

The Cheating

One way this meal plan worked is that we didn’t have to pay for lunches. At the time I was helping a family during the mornings and they fed me lunch. They probably never knew (until now) how significant those lunches were to us at the time. (Shoutout to Kelly! She has a blog too. You can read it here.) Dan skipped lunch entirely. So lunches were just out of the picture.

We also started shopping at a wonderful store called Joe Randazzo’s. It’s an indoor produce market with ridiculously low prices. I don’t know what we would do without good old Randazzo’s.

Breakfast

Breakfasts were very simple. Either we ate oatmeal with brown sugar, homemade bread with peanut butter, or eggs occasionally. And usually we added in a banana apiece.

Our breakfasts haven’t changed much since then. We often eat oatmeal, but now it’s topped with either honey, maple syrup, dates, fruit, or almond milk. And we still usually add in a banana each.

Mac and Cheese

Dan absolutely refused to stoop so low as to eat Ramen noodles. We did, however, enjoy mac and cheese (whole wheat, Kroger brand) once a week. It was our favorite and most expensive meal. Two boxes with two slices of American cheese melted on top, topped with garlic pepper. Served with a glass of milk and salad on the side.

Mac and cheese was the first meal that had to go when we changed our diet. I added up the saturated fat from that one meal and was horrified. When we have wanted to enjoy something reminiscent of this meal I have occasionally made Hurry Up Alfredo.

Hambuger Helper

Dan and I spotted a deal for Hamburger Helper one week. Combined with coupons, I think we got 10 boxes for $8 or something like that. Realizing what a steal it was, we went back and bought ten more boxes with the same deal. Then I bought beef on sale and would cook half the suggested amount to go with the box meal.

Later I read the ingredient labels: tons of salt in a variety of forms, MSG, transfat, and (of course) plenty of dairy. So the hamburger helper had to go. I have learned, though, that many Hamburger Helper inspired meals can be sort of duplicated from scratch and even using lentils instead of meat for a cheaper and healthier meal, like lentil sloppy joes, and lentil tacos.

Spaghetti

Whole wheat noodles. Store bought spaghetti sauce. A can of green beans. Oh, and don’t forget the Parmesan cheese. Dinner for under $3.

We still eat spaghetti, but now we add more nutritious ingredients: vegetables and sometimes beans. We replaced canned veggies with fresh or frozen and always serve a salad along side. And when we threw dairy out, the Parmesan had to go with it.

Beans and Rice

Bean and rice doesn’t have to be boring and it wasn’t for us. We topped our slow cooker refried beans with brown rice, sour cream, cheese (bought in bulk from GFS), salsa and tortilla chips. And we ate it twice a week, plus leftovers when we didn’t have anything else.

We still eat beans and rice, but without all the cheese and sour cream. We’ve added guacamole, lettuce and occasionally some tomatoes or sauteed bell peppers and onions.

What about those Teenage Boys?

We hosted a Bible study every Friday night and usually had 6-8 teenage to young twenty-something guys come over for dinner and discussion. This was often another meat night, but not always. Sometimes we had breakfast for dinner, sometimes soup, and sometimes a new casserole recipe. I just looked for recipes without many ingredients and that only had meat or cheese, but not both. Since the rest of the week was cheap, I usually got about $10 for this meal, which felt like a lot at the time.

Weekends

I never planned meals for Saturday or Sunday. We scrounged. We ate leftovers. We once had to go to the store because there was nothing to eat. Often we were invited to a family’s house from church and they fed us. Weekends were the hardest, least predictable, and most disappointing days. I eventually learned that planning a meal for Sunday made coming home from church much more appealing, but at the time we just didn’t have any money left.

The Lord Provides

It is true that eating healthy costs more. Even when you do cut out meat and dairy, condiments and dessert. But we have observed that with each step toward healthier (and more expensive) eating, the Lord has provided additional income, a gift, gift card, or pay raise to provide everything we need to be good stewards with our time, health, finances, and nutrition.

Many Are the Plans

Posted on February 4, 2014 by justeeni

During the past few days I have been reminded of Proverbs 19:21, which says:

Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

I had been pretty excited to begin my 5K training on the treadmill at the gym of our apartment complex. Saturday was the final run in Week Two of my nine week training program. It was a wet, slushy, cold, and snowy evening as I headed out to the gym, sloshing through puddles and trudging through freshly fallen snow. This time I even stretched before I ran, but four minutes into my workout my knee started hurting. For about thirty seconds I tried to keep running before I decided it wasn’t worth the risk. So now I’m off my training schedule and on the elliptical to give my knee a rest and learn a little more about how to run, stretch, and not injure myself.

The very same night we gave up potty training…again…for now. After a week of accidents and messes, Lydia has successfully learned to go to the potty immediately after she wets her pants. She loves it. She hasn’t gone in the toilet once. I talked to some other moms, prayed about it, solicited Dan’s opinion, and made a mental list of pros and cons. Since we recently invested in some quality cloth diapers, the only thing we lose by waiting to potty train is the extra cost of washing those diapers, which I calculated to be about three cents a day.

I didn’t really want to write about that in a post. I didn’t really want to “give up” again. But it’s the best decision for our family right now.

After giving up the endless trips to the toilet and all the time spent reading to Lydia while she did nothing on the potty, I was excited to get some more done yesterday. Clean up the living room, wash that pile of leftover dishes from Sunday, tackle a project or two, play with the munchkins. Abby decided she wanted to be held all day instead and by eleven o’clock I had only tackled some of the dishes and Dan had thrown everything littering our living room into piles. So much for my plans to catch up.

Our list of plans goes on and on, but I have been reminded of that ever-true Proverb. The Lord’s purpose will prevail. And after a nice, quiet prayer time while the girls were sleeping, I surrendered my plans and came out feeling happy. God’s plans are much better than my own.

Hapter Berday Daddy!

Posted on January 30, 2014 by justeeni

Monday was Dan’s birthday. Sadly, Dan’s birthdays have fallen into a pathetic pattern over the past few years, which goes like this:

1. Plan special yummy dinner
2. Plan special (probably expensive) healthy dessert
3. Try to buy a gift he’ll like
4. Be disappointed by a dinner that was not as good as anyone had hoped
5. Be disappointed by gifts that he didn’t really want
6. Be disappointed by a dessert that did not taste good enough to justify the time or cost

This year was the year I decided to break the cycle. I think it worked.

For dinner, we used a gift card and bought Qdoba. Tried and true. For dessert, we bought some coconut milk vanilla ice cream and blended it up with peanut butter and a dash of maple syrup to make peanut butter milkshakes. Delicious. For gifts, I asked Dan for a list and then spent a few weeks trying to trick him into thinking he was getting a bunch of gifts not from his list. And now…for the pictures.

We started with the cards, of course.

Now for the first present…

This was a reenactment of his surprised and happy face. The original was much more authentic.

Lydia likes it too!

It helps with sore muscles, sort of like a massage. It hurts at the time but feels better afterward…what Dan refers to as “good pain”.

Abby doesn’t know what she thinks about “good pain”.

Neither do we. But we love him.

A bow for Lydia!

(Somehow I forgot to take pictures of the gifts we got him. Oops.)

What could this one be?

A new keyboard!

Dan’s new computer setup. He loves it. Now he won’t have to get a sore neck staring down into a computer screen all day long.

Dan and his baby girl.

And his big girl. She wished Dan a lot of “Hapter Berdays” all day long)

And his favorite girl.

Happy Birthday Dan! We love you!

Munchkin Update: 2 Years, 8 Months

Posted on January 28, 2014 by justeeni

This month Lydia found her way into Mommy and Daddy’s closet. There she found, not only some high-heel shoes, but all of Mom’s necklaces. She promptly put them all on, along with the shoes, along with a pretty dress she had asked to wear earlier that morning. Lydia loves dressing up. She loves being pretty. We’re just trying to teach her not to eat the dress up accessories!

Every night Lydia asks Mommy or Daddy to lay down on the “green bed” with her. The sheets on her bed aren’t actually green right now. They’re striped blue and purple. However, the original sheets were green, and even when those aren’t the ones on the bed, it is still the “green bed”. Anyway, Lydia loves to snuggle up with Mom or Dad before going to sleep each night. In the morning, Dan lets Lydia sit on his lap and eat two crackers while listening to Adventures on Odyssey online. So, each night we excitedly tell her all that is in store for the coming day and she eagerly asks, “Odyssey!? TWO crackers!?!”.

Lydia has also gotten quite excited about church and Hope Group (Bible study). Almost every day she asks, “Church?” and if the answer is a no, “Hope Group?”. She is learning to sit quietly through most of the “boring” stuff and then eagerly plays with her other little friends. She doesn’t really understand that it’s not always her turn to talk but we recently taught her what it means to close her mouth. So sometimes we tell her it’s time to “close your mouth” and she’ll make one of her “close mouth faces”. One of these faces is a closed mouth with teeth showing, a bit like a beaver. The other is, of course, sucking her thumb.

Lydia loves to copy Mom and Dad. Whether it’s feeding her baby dolls, wearing Mom’s clothes, or standing next to us at church and singing along, Lydia loves to be like us. On Sunday Dan was holding Abby in a cradle hold during a meeting at church. Lydia was wearing a headband of mine that she found in the diaper bag. She finished “feeding” her doll and then started holding it with the doll’s head on Lydia’s shoulder. After a quick glance at Dad she rearranged her doll in a cradle hold, just like Abby. It melts my heart to see Lydia wanting to be like us, and is extra motivating for us to be good parents and model our lives the way we want Lydia to model hers.

Lydia also started potty training (again) yesterday, but I’ll hold off any of those updates until next week when it becomes more clear if she’s really ready.

Changes…for the Better

Posted on January 23, 2014 by justeeni

When I was a little girl, I remember coming home from church and promptly going to our rooms as we announced, “I’m going to change”. We, of course, meant that we were going to change our clothes. But my dad would often respond, “Change for the better!” Well there have been changes happening around here lately, and they have all been for the better.

First of all, I know all parents think their babies are the cutest, as they ought to think. So I know I am completely biased, but, isn’t that the most adorable picture you’ve ever seen?

Abigail has been sleeping through the night all week. The first morning we wondered if something might be wrong with her. Lydia, despite half a million attempts to get her to sleep through the night, continued to get up once a night until she was almost two. Abby has been sleeping from about 10 until about 6 or 7. Lydia doesn’t know the difference. Mommy is thrilled. And Daddy might be just a little bit concerned (will she keep gaining weight now?). Abby is over nine pounds now, and continuing to grow at a satisfying rate.

This kid is getting bigger and bigger, and her hair is (finally) getting longer and longer. The big change for her, though, is that we’re going to be attempting potty training starting on Monday. Our first potty training attempt didn’t work out, but we are hoping the past few months have prepared Lydia a little more. We’re stocking up on “potty books” from the library and we’ve been spending a little time each day this week praying that all will go well.

And now that Abby is sleeping through the night and we’re settling into our routine, I’ve actually been able to start getting things done. After calculating that I have about half an hour extra each day to do something profitable, I made a list of all the tasks that need to get done and asked Dan to prioritize them. We prayed about it but didn’t feel any one thing was more important than another, so I’m tackling them each one day of the week. It’s only half an hour a day, but it sure makes me feel great to make some progress on long-awaited projects.

Along with tackling those projects, I’ve begun my post-baby tradition of training for a 5K. After Lydia was born I actually trained and ran a 5K, but this year I’m just doing the training. Since the whole point is to give me a workout plan and get back in shape from months and months of sitting around, I didn’t feel it necessary to spend extra money on the race part this time.

So that’s us: sleeping through the night, potty training, exercising, and getting things done.

Why I’m not a Swaggernaut

Posted on January 21, 2014 by justeeni

Perhaps you’ve never heard of SwagBucks. Perhaps you’ve heard, but never checked into it. Or, perhaps, you are an avid Swaggernaut yourself. I’ve read a lot of homemaking and money-saving blogs that rave about how much they love websites like swagbucks.com or inboxdollars.com (there are a number of other ones as well). But today I’m going to tell you why I don’t.

Edit: This post is intended to serve as a helpful resource for anyone who is looking for ways to earn some extra income, and who is considering doing so using money making sites such as SwagBucks or InboxDollars.

What is it?

For any who are not familiar, swagbucks.com is a website where you can make money by doing things like watching videos, searching the internet, or signing up for special offers. Some of this costs you money, but a lot of it is free. The first questions I had was, “Is this a scam?” The answer is: no, it’s actually not. You really can earn money just by clicking around on the swagbucks website. It works because it’s all a bunch of advertising. Videos, games, and emails are interspersed with tons of advertisements. Special offers allow you to earn “swagbucks” while signing up for free trials, e-newsletters, or taking surveys. Swagbucks is paid by the numerous advertisers, and users (or Swaggernauts) get a small portion of that cash. As you earn Swagbucks, you can trade them in for gift cards.

How I Heard about Swagbucks

A couple of years ago Dan and I were living on a tight budget. We had alloted a whopping $35 a week per groceries. However, once a week we hosted about eight teenage to mid-twenty year old guys who ate like…well teenage to mid-twenty year old guys! That meal alone took up almost a third of the week’s budget. So, I spent some time searching the internet, trying to find frugal recipes and ways to save money.

A couple of the recipes I found we still enjoy today. For a while, we were eating lentil shepherd’s pie once a week, and we often enjoy lentil tacos as well. Anyway…

In my searching I stumbled across the many blog posts explaining the wonders of swagbucks, and I thought I would try it out. Along with Swagbucks, I signed up for a handful of other similar websites. That lasted a few days before I gave up. I was earning money, but only a few pennies a day and it just felt like a waste of time.

Last summer I decided to try it again. I was hoping to earn money for Abby’s quilt and thought, if I could just make a dollar a day using a couple of different sites, I could earn the money before she was born. I chose Swagbucks.com and Inboxdollars.com.

How I used the Sites

At first I enjoyed the earning. It was fun to watch the bucks slowly build up toward my goal. I always started with the easy bucks: check in to the website, answer the daily poll, click through the no-obligation special offers. I automatically got a swagbuck every day for using the free toolbar. I’d click through videos throughout the day. I would do about five searches in between every few videos to be randomly awarded more swagbucks. I would try to qualify for one survey per day and I would search the special offers for easy free things I could complete.

My email began to fill up with junk. The toolbar was slowing down the whole computer. I struggled to qualify for the surveys. I got headaches from spending so much time staring at the computer screen. I realized I was spending less time with Lydia as I tried to get my whopping $1 a day. Some days I could reach it in half and hour. Other days, I still hadn’t reached it after a whole hour.

Then one day I thought a little. One swagbuck is equivalent to about one cent. I was torturing myself and neglecting my real responsibilities to earn less than $1 an hour. It was ridiculous. I persevered just long enough to get my first check from inbox dollars: $27.

Not Worth It

I know I’m probably going against the grain here, but I strongly believe being a Swaggernaut is not worth it. My husband whole-heartedly agrees. Time is too precious to squander it just to earn a few cents. There are dishes to wash, clothes to fold, books to read out loud, toys to play with, toddlers to snuggle, verses to memorize, songs to sing, and a million other things that are far more valuable than the change you can earn by doing (as they put it) “practically nothing”.

But We Need the Money

I know what it’s like to want just a few more dollars a week. I know what it’s like to think, “Oh, it would be so nice to have thirty extra dollars for Christmas presents”. Or to hope, “If I earn a gift card we could actually afford to go on a date!” But SwagBucks is not the answer.

May I recommend, investing a little of your time and resources in developing some other skill or trade? Learn to sew, make homemade cards, soap, or something else you can sell from home. Or, don’t make anything. Clean your cupboards, shelves, and storage spaces and sell all the things you don’t use. You will probably make more money, waste less time, and feel more accomplished.

When I gave up on SwagBucks, I used the bucks already saved to buy two violin books to start giving Dan violin lessons. At the time, I was hoping to start giving violin lessons from home after Abby was no longer a newborn. Since Abby is still a newborn (in size, at least) and since she still eats roughly every hour and a half, we’re waiting to reevaluate the violin lesson idea. The point is, if you are absolutely desperate, it’s not worth it to waste your time earning money on SwagBucks, but you could use it to get some seed money and then invest in something more profitable.

An Inbox Alternative

While I did quit SwagBucks and inbox dollars, for the most part, there’s one money-making tool I still use. Inbox dollars sends members “paid emails” a couple to a few times a day. When you view the email there’s a button at the bottom you click to confirm that you actually viewed it.

Now, it’s no fun clogging your email inbox with junk, so I let these emails go straight to my spam. Every few days I return to the inbox dollars website where there is an “inbox” just for the paid emails. So I let the emails build up for a short while, then I spend a little time clicking through the emails. If you wait too long, they’ll expire, so I just check back about once a week.

For the sake of this blog post I checked earlier than usual this week. It took me 26 seconds to go through 4 emails and earn 8 cents. Most of that time was getting to the website, so if I had waited (like I usually do) until I had more emails I would have earned more money in less time.

8 cents earned in 26 seconds comes out to earning just over $11 an hour. Someone earning $11 an hour and working 40 hours a week would be bringing in a little over $22,000 a year. That’s not too bad, but remember that under normal circumstances I would wait until I had about 14 emails and I imagine that rate would have been more than double.

So, if you would like some extra money and aren’t in a hurry (save it up for Christmas), this is an option.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,
making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.
Ephesians 5:15-16

Edit: I realize that, for someone who enjoys SwagBucks, this post may come across offensive. That is not my intent. I wrote this post from the perspective of someone who is already busy with two kiddos and who once viewed SwagBucks solely as a way to earn extra money. SwagBucks just isn’t a second income. I found it was easy to get distracted on the site and neglect Lydia, and I did not earn very much extra money in the process. For those who do have the extra time or who enjoy SwagBucks as a hobby that also happens to earn some extra change, I hope you won’t be offended by these thoughts.

What to Say to a NICU Parent

Posted on January 17, 2014 by justeeni

I’ve never been very good at knowing what to say to someone when they’re going through a hard time. After going through some hard times myself, I realize that I have probably very often said the “wrong thing”. Earlier this week I posted a Survival Guide for others who find themselves spending time in the NICU. But the reality is that most of the people reading this never have and never will spend any time in the NICU. However, everyone reading this knows of at least one person who has spent time in the NICU. This post is for all of you. I know my thoughts won’t apply to every NICU parent. Based on my own experience and conversations with other NICU parents, these are my best suggestions on what you can say (and do) to help a NICU parent.

As I wrote this, I wondered if I was going too far. Having a baby in the NICU is not the most difficult thing in the world. I know there are plenty who suffer far greater trials. However, I still felt the thoughts may be helpful to some. My husband pointed out that much of this could probably be applied to interactions with anyone who is suffering. If you think all this is a bit overboard, feel free the glean the good and forget the rest. And, keep in mind, not everyone is the same and I can only share from my own experiences and conversations with a few others.

“My heart just broke for you…”

What do you say to someone who just had a baby…months earlier than they were “supposed to”? “Congratulations”? “I’m sorry”? “She’ll be fine”? “She’ll be home before you know it”? Dan and I have found that there is very little you can say and be of any real comfort to a newly arrived NICU parent.

After Abby had spent two and a half months at the hospital, Dan was riding up the elevator one day with a crowd of people. One of the ladies in the elevator was in a wheelchair and it came up in conversation that she had just had a c-section and had been transferred straight to UofM with a baby who was now in the NICU. The others on the elevator started offering their support and encouragement.

“Don’t worry. She’ll be fine.”

“You’ll be home before you know it.”

“This is a great hospital.”

“What did you say?”, I asked Dan.

“Nothing. There’s nothing you can say. It wasn’t the right time.”

However, there was one conversation that stands out in my mind as being especially comforting. Lydia had just been born. I didn’t really want to talk to anyone. As we walked into church the following Sunday, I wanted to stay close to Dan and avoid all conversation. I was tired, sad, emotional, and still trying to grasp what was happening. Afterward, of course, people came up to talk to me. One mother at church approached me with tears in her eyes and said, “When I heard, my heart just broke for you…”. It was the most comforting thing anyone had ever said to me.

Now, not everyone has the ability to sympathize in this way. Don’t fake it. If you’re able to honestly share in someone else’s suffering, by all means, offer your consolation. However, in many cases the best you can do is give a well-meaning hug.

Be Careful with Your Encouragement

I recently came across Proverbs 25:20. It says, “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.”

For the most part, I will let that verse speak for itself. Someone who is separated from their tiny newborn baby will often have a “heavy heart”. Happy words may be just what they need to hear, or they may sting like icy wind on bare skin.

Ask Me about My Baby

It may seem like all I talk about is my baby. Maybe you think I get tired of giving everyone the same updates over and over. Maybe you think you should avoid the topic because it’ll make me sad.

But, please, do ask me about my baby. My baby is my life right now. I don’t have time for anything else. When my baby takes a step backwards, doesn’t have a good day, or isn’t making progress, my whole world feels a little cloudier. When my baby makes progress, gains weight, shows improvement, the sun comes out and I want everyone to know.

I know there is a whole world beyond the hospital and the universe doesn’t revolve around me (or my baby), but I don’t get to see that world right now. I will try hard to talk to you about all the other things, but the only thing on my mind lately is that little one lying in a hospital room.

Please Be Patient

I may not seem myself. You just might see me cry. Or maybe I look weary. It’s a hard circumstance to be in the NICU for so long, so please be patient with me.

Please be patient with me if you are pregnant, especially once you hit nine months. I rejoice with you, but sometimes seeing a very pregnant mommy might make me tear up a little. Some good friends of ours had a baby when Abby was a month old. Their little boy was in church when he was only two days old and I cried every time I saw him.

I felt terrible. I was happy for them. But I could hardly talk to them because I would break down. It wasn’t until after Abby was home that I could cheerfully visit and hear all about their birth story and the early days with their newborn. I don’t know if they noticed or not, but I am grateful that they are sweet and patient people who weren’t offended by my distance during those first weeks of their own baby’s life.

If you are pregnant or have a newborn while a friend is in the NICU, be patient if they seem awkward or distant.

Ten Practical Helps

If you do know someone who has a baby in the NICU, you may be wondering what practical things you can do to help them beyond just words. So here are a few ideas:

1. Pray for them. No matter where you live, how much time or money you have, this is one way you can help

2. Do their laundry. They don’t have time.

3. Clean their bathroom. They don’t have time.

4. Wash their dishes. They don’t have time.

5. Do any other tidying or cleaning…I think you get the point here.

6. Bring them a hot meal, a frozen meal, a gift card, a snack…

7. Offer to buy and deliver their groceries. You don’t have to pay for them yourself, just picking them up and saving them the trip will go a very long way. You can give them a bagful of random groceries, or you can ask for a list. Either way, they will probably appreciate it more than they can express.

8. Watch their kiddos…although it’s likely that many will offer to babysit, so be creative and choose one of the above suggestions that hasn’t already been taken.

9. Ask if there is anything you can do to help or bless them. Everyone has individual needs.

10. Visit their baby or send a card or gift. Hospital visits can get long and lonely, you are probably a welcome visitor.

Well, I hope those thoughts are helpful and not offensive or out-of-hand. Dan and I were very blessed by many who did and said loving and encouraging things for us throughout our NICU stays, and we are immensely grateful. In fact, I feel we could never repay many for their sacrificial kindness. And Abby agrees.

Making Time for Messes and Munchkins

Posted on January 15, 2014 by justeeni

Before Abby was home, I wondered, “Is it harder to have a baby in the NICU or to have a ‘newborn’ at home?”. The answer to that questions is definitely having a baby in the NICU.

However, it’s still hard to have a newborn at home. The primary difference is that, while living in NICU survival mode, we didn’t do anything but eat, sleep, and visit Abby. Now that we’re all together at home, we’re back to our usually activities: cleaning, laundry, exercising, keeping in touch with family and friends… And, to be completely honest, I just can’t keep up.

Our Christmas tree is still up. I’ll excuse that by saying that my parents are coming this weekend to do our own little Christmas. But really, we just haven’t had a chance to take it down.

We never finished moving in. A lot of generous people helped us move, unpack, and even organize. And in our four months in this apartment, I haven’t changed a thing. Our bedroom is a mess, and we can’t find the things we need when we need them. For a routine-thriving-place-for-everything mom like me, this gets really annoying. And I can’t keep up with the messes. I struggle to clean up Lydia’s messes. I struggle to clean up Abby’s messes. And I struggle to clean up Dan and My own messes. We have messes everywhere!!!

But most of all, I can’t keep up with these little ones. With all my time going to the cleaning of messes and searching for missing items, I don’t get to spend much time with my girls.

For all of these reasons, and probably more, I will be cutting back on the blogging starting next week. Not a lot, but a little. For anyone who caught on to my pattern and checks this blog every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, please have patience. I’ll settle into a new pattern, probably twice a week. And with the extra time I’ll be tackling some of those messes and spending more time with our little munchkins.

MI Taylor Family

We live in Michigan.